Have You Checked In with Your Spouse Lately?

 A real conversation around emotional wellness, safe space, and showing up with love

With marriage, I've come to realize that everything can be going great until it isn't. I've had a very trying last couple of weeks and it really centered around me not being as present in my marriage as I thought. I've had to do a lot of self reflection and take accountability for my part in my spouse feeling unseen. While there's no such thing as "perfect marriage", we still have to work towards being better daily than we were before. The work will always continue as we continue to evolve and grow.

There’s something sacred about being seen by the person you share life with. But in between the bills, the schedules, and the ever-growing list of “we’ll talk about it later,” it’s easy to stop truly checking in.

Mental & Emotional Check-Ins Aren’t Just a Trend

We often talk about self care, but there’s a quiet kind of care that comes from asking your spouse, “How are you, really?”Not in passing. Not in the middle of multitasking. But with full attention.

It's important to go beyond the simple "How was your day?" and make intentional time to ask deeper questions like "What’s been feeling heavy lately?” or “What’s something you wish I noticed more?" Also making effort to be attentive to behavior changes and stress points because many people don't always voice their struggles.

Creating a Safe Space — Not Just a Quiet One

Sometimes we confuse silence with peace, or avoidance with harmony. But emotional safety is built, not assumed. It shows up in how we respond, not just how we listen. There is so much I still have to work on in this area, but I've learned to listen without needing to necessarily respond, control my tone when responding (still a work in progress), and ask what I can do to help. I've also seen the importance of just letting your spouse know how much you appreciate them and how they show up for your family can go a long way in creating space.

Healthy Conflict Is Still Healthy

Disagreements aren’t the enemy. In fact, they’re often the doorway to deeper understanding when handled with respect.
What matters is how you return to each other.
How you both feel after the conversation.
How you both grow from it.

Conflict is never easy, but when you both realize you're on the same team, it allows you the power to push through it together. It's never about who's right or wrong, but how can we compromise and move into a better space together.

I'm learning that love isn't always bold moves, sometimes it's in the quiet moments of prayer, seeking understanding, and making space for all parties to feel seen.