When Roadblocks Show Up in Your Marriage: Here’s What Helped Me

 

It’s not about avoiding challenges, it’s about knowing how to face them together.”

You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Marriage is work.” And let me tell you, it’s true. But it’s not work in the way people make it sound. It’s not about constantly putting out fires or keeping score, it’s about learning how to navigate roadblocks as a team without losing sight of love and respect. When facing obstacles, the key is to remember it's not the two of you against each other, you're on the same team so you have to face it together. I've had to learn change doesn't happen over night, and learning to communicate in a mutually beneficial and respectful way takes time.

1. Look Past the Surface

Most of the time, the argument isn’t really about the dishes or the schedule. There’s usually a deeper need behind the frustration such as feeling unheard, feeling tired, feeling unappreciated. When you pause and ask, “What’s really going on here?” it changes the entire tone of the conversation. When I wrote the post about checking in on your spouse, it came from a place of realization. I had been trying to figure out why suddenly there seemed to be a lot of tension and conflict, this eventually lead to me finding out my husband was going through a difficult time and I hadn't noticed he was struggling. Sometimes the person's actions are really just masking what's happening on a deeper level.

2. Use “I” Statements (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)

This one is hard when emotions are high. But saying, “I feel overlooked when this happens” hits differently than “You never listen.” It keeps the focus on the feeling, not the attack. It’s uncomfortable at first, but it opens the door for real understanding instead of defensiveness. It allows you to give your perspective without your spouse interpreting it as blame which is needed for healthy communication.

3. Know When to Bring in a Neutral Voice

There’s no shame in saying, “We need help figuring this out.” Sometimes that’s a trusted friend who values your marriage, a mentor couple, or even a counselor. A fresh perspective can help you both step out of the cycle and into solutions. If you've already tried addressing the issue alone and can't seem to find common ground, then brining in a neutral voice might be what's needed to make progress. However you want to make sure that you are both comfortable with whom you bring into an already delicate situation.

4. Stay on the Same Team

It’s easy to fall into the trap of winning an argument. But marriage isn’t about winning; it’s about finding peace together. Ask yourselves, “What solution keeps us connected?” instead of, “Who’s right this time?”

Roadblocks don’t mean your marriage is broken. They’re opportunities to grow closer if you approach them with patience and grace. Every time we’ve worked through something hard, I’ve seen how much stronger we become on the other side.

If you’re working on building patience, improving communication, or even just staying grounded through the hard moments, the Faith & Personal Growth Planner was designed for that. It’s not just about marriage, it’s about becoming the best version of you, so you show up well in every area of your life, including your relationship. Shop Here